Unfullfilled days

The past few days, which are turning into weeks, have been lazy. Unsatisfying-ly lazy.

'I don't know...' is becoming a standard start to every sentence I think, speak, act upon. I don't know who I am, where I am, what I'm doing. I'm just not with it at all. I'm waiting for the moment I snap back into reality but I don't know when that will be.

Confused.

So I'm trying to take each day at a time but my brain likes to wander and think ahead.

I'm unsatisfied with how my life is going at the moment. I want to be doing more with it, but I just don't know how. I want to do silly things like have the opportunity to dress up in nice, new (well, new to me), quirky outfits, and create excessive amounts of art that I don't even have enough wall space for them to occupy, and relax reading all the books I've wanted to read and books I don't even know I want to read yet.

Easier said than done...

Bye for now!! x

The problems of being an artist - #2

I have a feeling this series is going to make me appear like a very negative artist. I'm not; there are just a few minor issues that come with the job.

Appalling nails being one of them.
 

 

Okay so they don't look so bad here but that's only because I'm making a huge effort to make them look half decent. You can see here that they are quite short, that's because they are constantly breaking to a point where I just have to cut them all to a short length and attempt the growing process again. They will also usually have paint under or around the edge of the nails which is literally impossible to remove. It may sound simple but I can scrub for hours with no success and it just ends up looking like I haven't cleaned my nails in months. Or my hands for that matter because they'll have some kind of ink/paint stains on them too.

It's kind of annoying that I can't show you their usual terrible state because of the fact I'm trying to make them look good.

So my nails are constantly splitting and I don't know how to fix that (help me?). I'm trying to stop the constant breaking nails by filing them to an even length and ensure I always file the parts that break rather than biting them off. Yes, I bite the broken bits off and yes that's a horrible thing to do. I don't bite them generally, only when they break. But I'm determined to get out of that habit, keep them filed and put a clean clear coat of nail polish on top to attempt to harden them. Wish me luck!

Bye for now! xxx

The motivation is here! Where's the ability?

Things are not going well. I have all the motivation at the moment to create some art, all the ideas whizzing around my head at 100mph ready to just be put onto paper/canvas/whatever, but it's just not happening.

Why is it that I have the most fantastic idea in my head but I just can't produce that idea in 'real life'? It's as if the message sent from my brain to my hands just isn't all there and I produce something unexpected, and not something good.

The above is an example of something that isn't wrong but also isn't right. Everything I'm producing isn't wrong but also isn't right. It's good enough to sit in the back of a cupboard but not good enough to show anyone.

Am I feeling to much pressure?

Whatever it is, I'm really doubting my abilities and it's not a great feeling.

I think my brain just thinks I'm amazing but the truth is a little more of an average result.

Anyone else ever feel this way?

I need some help!

Bye for now! x

The problems of being an artist - #1

Yes, this may actually end up becoming a series as I can already think of a few and that's just what is at the top of my head, without any deep thought...

Problem number 1, mess. See image below.

I would apologise for the mess but, if you notice what is actually out of place in the image and is causing a mess, you will notice it is mainly art equipment. As an artist, and I am unsure whether other artists will agree with me on this one, I have two contradicting minds. One wants to have a lovely tidy place to live with no mess. The other would like to express itself and produce art and, whilst in the middle of the production of said art, would like to leave it everywhere so it is easy to come back and pick up where I left off at any moment. This is why all artists should have a studio. It's just a lot easier said than done.

I just wonder how many other artists agree with this?

You'll hear of more problems to come, I am sure...

Bye for now! x

Obsessive Compulsive Cleaning

'Obsessive Compulsive Cleaning' is a British programme that I am truly in love with. I think I can relate to it on a certain level (definitely not as extreme as some of the people on the programme!), I also find it interesting but hard to understand how the hoarders/non-cleaners can live how they do.

I was so interested in this subject matter I did one of my a-level projects on it (a lot of talk of my a-levels lately, sorry!).

Here are some photos from the project:

I'd love to hear your comments.

Bye for now!

A-Level Art

For my A-Level exam art work I did a project on transvestites and transgenders. The theme was 'Inside, Outside and In Between'. I interpreted this as how you feel on the inside, look on the outside and every aspect in between. Obviously I could've have gone down any route but this subject matter captured my attention and made me want to explore 'why?', in an positively open-minded approach.

I used a model for the basis of my work; to take photos from, and to sketch and draw. He wanted to have copies of the work when finished so a couple of weeks ago (when I finally got my work back after a year) I let him borrow the work.

I thought I'd take advantage of the fact that he got some great quality copies of the work and asked for some digital copies. I thought I'd post them here to be seen:

I hope you like some of it and please feel free to leave me with any of your comments!

Bye for now!