Unfullfilled days

The past few days, which are turning into weeks, have been lazy. Unsatisfying-ly lazy.

'I don't know...' is becoming a standard start to every sentence I think, speak, act upon. I don't know who I am, where I am, what I'm doing. I'm just not with it at all. I'm waiting for the moment I snap back into reality but I don't know when that will be.

Confused.

So I'm trying to take each day at a time but my brain likes to wander and think ahead.

I'm unsatisfied with how my life is going at the moment. I want to be doing more with it, but I just don't know how. I want to do silly things like have the opportunity to dress up in nice, new (well, new to me), quirky outfits, and create excessive amounts of art that I don't even have enough wall space for them to occupy, and relax reading all the books I've wanted to read and books I don't even know I want to read yet.

Easier said than done...

Bye for now!! x

January Book Review

This year I'm going to try and read as many books as I can and, seeing as January has gone so well as I have read three books and started a fourth, I thought I might do some mini reviews on each book.

The first book I read this month was 'Girl Online' by Zoe Sugg (Zoella). The book was a really easy read and I got quickly caught up in the storyline meaning I read it very quickly. The book is about a girl, Penny, who suffers from panic attacks and isn't having a great time at home and at school. She goes on holiday to New York over Christmas and that's where she meets Noah. I don't want to ruin the book for you. I would say the age range is for all teens, which I think is what the author intended. This is mainly due to the fact that it is quite simply written.

A great read when you don't want to think too much (or is it just me that likes those books?)

The second book was 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time' by Mark Haddon. It is a book narrated by a boy with autism. I have mentioned a different book about a boy with autism in my first book review (which you can see here) and this book reminded me of that. I find it really interesting being in the mind of and seeing the world from a different persons point of view. An issue that I have with books is that unless it is written in the first person I find it really hard to get into the book and actually finish it as I just get bored. Books that are written in the first person make me feel as if I am actually the character that the story is about so I can relate to it much more. I don't have autism but it allows me to see the world through this boys eyes. The way he acts out in public places and how he responds to other people's questions is so interesting and Haddon has portrayed it very well. The book is about a boy who finds his neighbour's dog dead and he is determined to discover who the murderer was, despite the fact that this gets him into unintentional trouble along the way. I definitely recommend this book as it was funny at times and is easy to pick up whenever and wherever you are.

The third and final fully read book from this month is 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. I think I'm quite late on the band wagon of reading this book but I finally got round to it and overall I liked it. I wasn't blown away by it though. The book is about a boy called Charlie who has just started high school and lets just say he doesn't have the most fortunate life. The storyline is on the whole easy to follow and throws up lots of interesting parts that make you not want to put the book down but, unfortunately, it turns out that I didn't even fully understand the whole story even when I'd finished it. After finishing the book I decided to watch the film because I hadn't seen it and I liked to compare. However, if I hadn't watched the film I still wouldn't have fully understood the story now. Chbosky writes in a way that you have to understand and read into what is being written in the story without having to be told word for word but I believe this isn't very obviously portrayed in certain parts of the book. I do recommend reading the book, but watching the film after may be a necessity to full understand the story (unless that's just my naivety).

So those are the books I've read this month. I am intending on keeping up the reading but we will just have to see how well that goes down on whether you see anymore book reviews!

What books do you recommend?

Bye for now!

This day of this month of this year

Today I had a seemingly simple and insignificant day but for me it was something to lose sleep over and kept my stress levels on high all day.

Today I had an appointment at the Royal Orthopedic Hospital in Birmingham. The appointment was to sort out a pain I've been having in my back for a few years now, so it was an appointment with intended positive results. Unfortunately, however, I find it difficult to think about these positive outcomes and spent the upcoming days worrying about the fact I was working the morning, leaving to go to my appointment that is about a 45 minute drive away, and then coming back for work in the afternoon. For me, having more than one thing planned in a day, unless they are distantly spaced apart, is a very daunting and stressful situation. I feel the need to plan the day down to minutes and seconds to ensure I don't miss anything, or let anyone down, whatever. I struggled to even sleep last night thinking about the exact timings of my day over and over again.

The reason I was having the appointment was for my back pain which, as I said, has been troubling me for a few years. I found out that the main reason it was troubling me was due to the fact I stressed too much and was unable to relax or relieve the tension building up. Stress and anxiety are huge problems in my life due to various reasons and the stress that today caused me shows just how easily little things can effect me. The silly/annoying thing is that it is all a vicious cycle because if I am stressed my back hurts more, if my back hurts it prevents me from doing things, including sleeping, and if I can't do things/sleep I become more stressed and around it goes with more pain and more stress.

The appointment was reasonably helpful and plans were made and I was given a book to start reading through. I have already started reading it and it seems interesting and I'm finding it very easy to relate to.

I'm hoping with the intended plans that will take place throughout this treatment that I will not only be able to sort my back issue out but I will also be able to be less stressed. All of which will have so many knock on effects.

My main motivation (other than feeling better both physically and mentally) is to be able to get back to doing my art which I am very passionate about (as shown through my blogging).

It turns out that today ran pretty smoothly anyway and there wasn't too much to worry about...

Bye for now!