Relaxation Attempts and Plenty of Sleep

This weekend I am enjoying my time by sleeping as much as I can and doing the most chilled out things possible. Last night was a night of watching TV and tonight is a film night (Zack has just gone out to get the popcorn).

I have a really full week next week at work and won't be at home so I want to spend lots of time with Zack and prepare myself by having a lot of sleep!

I probably will not be able to blog as much next week as I doubt I will have any internet and will be too tired. It's a shame as I seem to have gotten myself into a little roll of blogging almost every night (when there is something to write about). Oh well! Hopefully when I get back there will be loads to talk about.

I bought THESE shoes yesterday and I am in love with them. They are perfect with dresses/skirts and trousers for throughout Autumn and Winter. Despite the fact they have a heel they are still super comfy. They're from White Stuff, as you can see, and are a little pricey but such good quality so are definitely worth it!

Anyway, this is just a short blog so you'll here from me soon!

Bye for now!

This day of this month of this year

Today I had a seemingly simple and insignificant day but for me it was something to lose sleep over and kept my stress levels on high all day.

Today I had an appointment at the Royal Orthopedic Hospital in Birmingham. The appointment was to sort out a pain I've been having in my back for a few years now, so it was an appointment with intended positive results. Unfortunately, however, I find it difficult to think about these positive outcomes and spent the upcoming days worrying about the fact I was working the morning, leaving to go to my appointment that is about a 45 minute drive away, and then coming back for work in the afternoon. For me, having more than one thing planned in a day, unless they are distantly spaced apart, is a very daunting and stressful situation. I feel the need to plan the day down to minutes and seconds to ensure I don't miss anything, or let anyone down, whatever. I struggled to even sleep last night thinking about the exact timings of my day over and over again.

The reason I was having the appointment was for my back pain which, as I said, has been troubling me for a few years. I found out that the main reason it was troubling me was due to the fact I stressed too much and was unable to relax or relieve the tension building up. Stress and anxiety are huge problems in my life due to various reasons and the stress that today caused me shows just how easily little things can effect me. The silly/annoying thing is that it is all a vicious cycle because if I am stressed my back hurts more, if my back hurts it prevents me from doing things, including sleeping, and if I can't do things/sleep I become more stressed and around it goes with more pain and more stress.

The appointment was reasonably helpful and plans were made and I was given a book to start reading through. I have already started reading it and it seems interesting and I'm finding it very easy to relate to.

I'm hoping with the intended plans that will take place throughout this treatment that I will not only be able to sort my back issue out but I will also be able to be less stressed. All of which will have so many knock on effects.

My main motivation (other than feeling better both physically and mentally) is to be able to get back to doing my art which I am very passionate about (as shown through my blogging).

It turns out that today ran pretty smoothly anyway and there wasn't too much to worry about...

Bye for now!

Obsessive Compulsive Cleaning

'Obsessive Compulsive Cleaning' is a British programme that I am truly in love with. I think I can relate to it on a certain level (definitely not as extreme as some of the people on the programme!), I also find it interesting but hard to understand how the hoarders/non-cleaners can live how they do.

I was so interested in this subject matter I did one of my a-level projects on it (a lot of talk of my a-levels lately, sorry!).

Here are some photos from the project:

I'd love to hear your comments.

Bye for now!

A-Level Art

For my A-Level exam art work I did a project on transvestites and transgenders. The theme was 'Inside, Outside and In Between'. I interpreted this as how you feel on the inside, look on the outside and every aspect in between. Obviously I could've have gone down any route but this subject matter captured my attention and made me want to explore 'why?', in an positively open-minded approach.

I used a model for the basis of my work; to take photos from, and to sketch and draw. He wanted to have copies of the work when finished so a couple of weeks ago (when I finally got my work back after a year) I let him borrow the work.

I thought I'd take advantage of the fact that he got some great quality copies of the work and asked for some digital copies. I thought I'd post them here to be seen:

I hope you like some of it and please feel free to leave me with any of your comments!

Bye for now!

Baby Drawing

Despite the fact I haven't actually done any art properly in a long time, I did finish this drawing the other day. Although, I started the drawing over a month ago and probably did most of it within 45mins but then left it to finish the finishing touches another day and that wasn't until earlier this week. That's typical from me. I'm too scared to say that I'm finished. Perhaps it's because someone else's judgement may be that it isn't finished so I don't want to commit to thinking it without another's approval.

Anyway, it is now finished.

This was actually as an unpaid commission for a friend. They had their first child just over 2 years ago now and they gave us some photos of him after he was born. I decided to spontaneously draw the one picture of the baby yawning and gave it them as a gift.

Here is the instagram photo of that drawing.

So this year they had a new baby and thought they'd keep the theme going by giving me a photo of him yawning for me to draw. The result is the drawing at the start of the blog. I'm quite happy with it.

What I find interesting is the similarities and differences between the two drawing styles after 2 years. It's mainly the learnt technique that has changed rather than the style of the art.

I hope you like both drawings and feel free to comment with any opinions.

Bye for now!

Anxiety Undiscussed

I have just read this blog post and it has really got me thinking.

It made me think that I'm sure I already channel my anxiety into something, but it's not necessarily what I would like to be channeling it into.

I believe I channel it into where I work. I spend much time as I can there and I'm sure it's the money that is motivating me to do so, however, I also find it a place where I don't have to think I just do. I work each day and sleep at night and there is no time to think about other things. This isn't really helping me though. It stresses me more as working that hard makes me very tired which makes me more stressed. The worst part about the situation is not having a rest from it all, so I will have days at work where I just can't do anything, no will power allows me to do anything.

I wish I could channel the energy from my anxiety into my art. At the moment I have so little energy after I have finished work that I can't do any work at all. Let alone work with energy in it that I enjoy creating. It really has been a while since I created work that I truly enjoyed doing and have had a reason for creating.

This is only a small blog post. Maybe one day I will go more into my anxiety in a post. I find it a relieving thing to do and I don't know whether people read the posts or not but perhaps they do and find them interesting to relate to.

Bye for now!