Unfullfilled days

The past few days, which are turning into weeks, have been lazy. Unsatisfying-ly lazy.

'I don't know...' is becoming a standard start to every sentence I think, speak, act upon. I don't know who I am, where I am, what I'm doing. I'm just not with it at all. I'm waiting for the moment I snap back into reality but I don't know when that will be.

Confused.

So I'm trying to take each day at a time but my brain likes to wander and think ahead.

I'm unsatisfied with how my life is going at the moment. I want to be doing more with it, but I just don't know how. I want to do silly things like have the opportunity to dress up in nice, new (well, new to me), quirky outfits, and create excessive amounts of art that I don't even have enough wall space for them to occupy, and relax reading all the books I've wanted to read and books I don't even know I want to read yet.

Easier said than done...

Bye for now!! x

January Book Review

This year I'm going to try and read as many books as I can and, seeing as January has gone so well as I have read three books and started a fourth, I thought I might do some mini reviews on each book.

The first book I read this month was 'Girl Online' by Zoe Sugg (Zoella). The book was a really easy read and I got quickly caught up in the storyline meaning I read it very quickly. The book is about a girl, Penny, who suffers from panic attacks and isn't having a great time at home and at school. She goes on holiday to New York over Christmas and that's where she meets Noah. I don't want to ruin the book for you. I would say the age range is for all teens, which I think is what the author intended. This is mainly due to the fact that it is quite simply written.

A great read when you don't want to think too much (or is it just me that likes those books?)

The second book was 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time' by Mark Haddon. It is a book narrated by a boy with autism. I have mentioned a different book about a boy with autism in my first book review (which you can see here) and this book reminded me of that. I find it really interesting being in the mind of and seeing the world from a different persons point of view. An issue that I have with books is that unless it is written in the first person I find it really hard to get into the book and actually finish it as I just get bored. Books that are written in the first person make me feel as if I am actually the character that the story is about so I can relate to it much more. I don't have autism but it allows me to see the world through this boys eyes. The way he acts out in public places and how he responds to other people's questions is so interesting and Haddon has portrayed it very well. The book is about a boy who finds his neighbour's dog dead and he is determined to discover who the murderer was, despite the fact that this gets him into unintentional trouble along the way. I definitely recommend this book as it was funny at times and is easy to pick up whenever and wherever you are.

The third and final fully read book from this month is 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. I think I'm quite late on the band wagon of reading this book but I finally got round to it and overall I liked it. I wasn't blown away by it though. The book is about a boy called Charlie who has just started high school and lets just say he doesn't have the most fortunate life. The storyline is on the whole easy to follow and throws up lots of interesting parts that make you not want to put the book down but, unfortunately, it turns out that I didn't even fully understand the whole story even when I'd finished it. After finishing the book I decided to watch the film because I hadn't seen it and I liked to compare. However, if I hadn't watched the film I still wouldn't have fully understood the story now. Chbosky writes in a way that you have to understand and read into what is being written in the story without having to be told word for word but I believe this isn't very obviously portrayed in certain parts of the book. I do recommend reading the book, but watching the film after may be a necessity to full understand the story (unless that's just my naivety).

So those are the books I've read this month. I am intending on keeping up the reading but we will just have to see how well that goes down on whether you see anymore book reviews!

What books do you recommend?

Bye for now!

The problems of being an artist - #2

I have a feeling this series is going to make me appear like a very negative artist. I'm not; there are just a few minor issues that come with the job.

Appalling nails being one of them.
 

 

Okay so they don't look so bad here but that's only because I'm making a huge effort to make them look half decent. You can see here that they are quite short, that's because they are constantly breaking to a point where I just have to cut them all to a short length and attempt the growing process again. They will also usually have paint under or around the edge of the nails which is literally impossible to remove. It may sound simple but I can scrub for hours with no success and it just ends up looking like I haven't cleaned my nails in months. Or my hands for that matter because they'll have some kind of ink/paint stains on them too.

It's kind of annoying that I can't show you their usual terrible state because of the fact I'm trying to make them look good.

So my nails are constantly splitting and I don't know how to fix that (help me?). I'm trying to stop the constant breaking nails by filing them to an even length and ensure I always file the parts that break rather than biting them off. Yes, I bite the broken bits off and yes that's a horrible thing to do. I don't bite them generally, only when they break. But I'm determined to get out of that habit, keep them filed and put a clean clear coat of nail polish on top to attempt to harden them. Wish me luck!

Bye for now! xxx

Charity shopping (thrift shopping) madness!

I've not been feeling great lately and something that I have done a lot of is watching YouTube videos. I watch YouTube videos daily anyway of different YouTubers that I subscribe to but I recently stumbled across The Fashion Citizen again and, although we don't have any kind of Goodwill or another huge thrift store in England, I have been so keen to go charity shopping. Retail therapy is the best kind of therapy, especially when you're getting a bargain! 

You are going to have to keep a very open mind on what you see in this haul. On reflection, the clothing seems a little out there but, I think I can justify it all and with different outfits it won't look as mad as it seems (I may even post the clothes worn with an outfit if anyone would want to see that.)

This first thing I got was this coat (the first image shows more of a true colour). When I saw it in the shop I loved the pattern but noticed the hideous band/belt around it and thought I'd better leave it. My mum picked it up after me and was saying it looked good and noticed the band around the middle could easily come off (we think someone may have added it themselves). It was a bit big on me but at £5.99 for a really decent quality coat I was sure I would be able to make a few adjustments to make it suit me! (Pictures of the change will hopefully follow in another blog.

This coat you may question. The lining (shown on the collar) is hideous, the red and green is garish, and on top of that it's cord, but I kind of fell in love with it. It seems huge but when I tried it on it didn't seem that bad and I'm actually really happy with it. It will be worn a lot and I will make it look fabulous. Haha.

Here is a simple long top. It's very easy to see-through so I am sure to be layering it up. My mum found it and I really liked it. It's a crochet design with little beads threaded through it (I tried to show them close up but they're really hard to see). I will get so much wear out of this, especially in the summer.

The pattern on this dress caught my eye, along with the neckline. I am planning on shortening the dress as I will more likely wear it like that. Plus it was only £1! Bargain.

This dress is made out of such a gorgeous velvet fabric with some lace detailing around the neckline. My mum picked this one out for me and she also offered to pay for it which was very nice of her (thanks mum).

Here's another slightly outrageous item but I'm pretty sure that when I layer it up with some simple clothes it will make it look a little less over the top. My mum reckons I should change the buttons, I'll just wait and see if I can be bothered! Otherwise I will just have to make them work.

This belt is just something I spotted which, because of the different plaited colours, will add to any boring outfit. I know I will wear it a lot so I thought it was one not to miss.

Finally a few small pieces of jewellery that I gathered. The simple wooden necklace is great to add to an outfit, the yellow flowers are really cute and the bracelet was just something a little different that caught my eye.

I'm excited to wear all my new clothes and adjust a few, which I may post about on here.

Bye for now! x

The motivation is here! Where's the ability?

Things are not going well. I have all the motivation at the moment to create some art, all the ideas whizzing around my head at 100mph ready to just be put onto paper/canvas/whatever, but it's just not happening.

Why is it that I have the most fantastic idea in my head but I just can't produce that idea in 'real life'? It's as if the message sent from my brain to my hands just isn't all there and I produce something unexpected, and not something good.

The above is an example of something that isn't wrong but also isn't right. Everything I'm producing isn't wrong but also isn't right. It's good enough to sit in the back of a cupboard but not good enough to show anyone.

Am I feeling to much pressure?

Whatever it is, I'm really doubting my abilities and it's not a great feeling.

I think my brain just thinks I'm amazing but the truth is a little more of an average result.

Anyone else ever feel this way?

I need some help!

Bye for now! x

The problems of being an artist - #1

Yes, this may actually end up becoming a series as I can already think of a few and that's just what is at the top of my head, without any deep thought...

Problem number 1, mess. See image below.

I would apologise for the mess but, if you notice what is actually out of place in the image and is causing a mess, you will notice it is mainly art equipment. As an artist, and I am unsure whether other artists will agree with me on this one, I have two contradicting minds. One wants to have a lovely tidy place to live with no mess. The other would like to express itself and produce art and, whilst in the middle of the production of said art, would like to leave it everywhere so it is easy to come back and pick up where I left off at any moment. This is why all artists should have a studio. It's just a lot easier said than done.

I just wonder how many other artists agree with this?

You'll hear of more problems to come, I am sure...

Bye for now! x

One feeling explained

'My current life feeling' was going to be the title but now I realise that is too vague as I could actually write a book on that.

I was thinking about where 'home' is. (Where the heart is, I know.)

I don't believe I have had a home for a few years. I currently live in a flat and, to me, that is not a home as it is rented and it has an end period of time when I have to leave, making me unable to settle and rest.

I see myself and my belongings as hovering above the ground. This is just my mental image and feeling so it is a hard one to translate into words to make anyone else understand, but if you follow what I'm saying then, well done. I picture an image of myself and everything that I personally own floating just off the ground, perhaps a foot high. All of my 'things' are scattered around at the flat, my mum's and my dad's. If they were together in one place where I am too, and somewhere preferably permanent so there is no feeling of being unable to relax, then that would be home.

The floating feeling is so that I can hover and wait before the next movement. If I allow myself to relax I won't want to move, even if I know I have to.

Soon I would like to feel safe and in a home.

I hope this doesn't make too little sense. I am hoping to create a piece of artwork on it soon which may demonstrate the feelings in a clearer way.

Bye for now!
xx